Is there a simple and succinct one liner to sum up all I’ve got to say in this post? Yes. People and friendship.
But I’m afraid you’ll have to read on to get the context.
There are times when there’s this flow, where you do not over think or hyper analyse. The situation crops up, things happen, and you make wonderful friends.
There are times when in the very same flow you unquestioningly, naively, unflinchingly trust and expect the same kind of niceness, goodwill and all the good things you put their way via your attitude to be reciprocated. Unwillingly or unknowingly, or, knowingly and after uber amounts of scheming, they fail to do so.
(Yes, we all know that the “you” and “they” are interchangeable. All culprits, us folks)
Is it that you expected too much of people who are constantly stressed out (or not) following routines trying to match up to some set ideals in life? Or is it that you had lot of free time and you decided to think about people you know and say ‘Hmm. He might have avoided being so damn mean’ or ‘I understand why she did that.. But really wasn’t there ANY other way?’.
Or is it the simple fact that others simply aren’t as considerate as you are in that particular trip down memory lane? That sometimes what you expect isn’t an enormous aberration on your behalf but simple humanity that is but humane to expect?
Doesn’t it irritate you, scare you, leave you flummoxed and pulling at straws when someone does something so totally bizarre that you cannot comprehend because try as you may you know you cannot even picture yourself in their shoes doing something like that? You try excusing, accepting, rewinding and replaying, making allowances, understanding ..but everything always leaves an imprint.
It hits your moral compass you never knew you possessed, it hurts you and you cannot even begin to comprehend why, it takes you on a journey you don’t remember buying a ticket for. It breaks you within and you fail to understand why there’s this earth and them humans and you as a human being. You question the existence of karma for starters.
Oh and at times it’s not a person but a process that hits you below the belt and you reel under this unprovoked attack.
If life were a game, then you have these cheat codes that you build up from scratch. The way you handle yourself, the way you look after yourself so you’re not hurt, the things that keep you sane, the friends and family you are with that gives you the support you need to survive – all cheat codes.
So what happens if your cheat codes suddenly stop working the way they usually do? Fall apart? Disappear?
You feel the need to step back from society and people and all things human.
( It could turn into loneliness – you will know its onset when you start alienating yourself from people who do not hurt you or want to hurt you and did you no wrong- you know, friends, et al.)
Here’s the catch.
You know what I find surprising when I step back away from “people”?
People. Of the kind who are at your frequency. Who mean and cause no harm – mentally or physically. Who are so refreshingly nice, there’s no doubt they are a gazillion times nicer (is it a word) than you are. Who are so wonderful, you forget to question life, bitchiness, life, karma. The ones who have moral compasses in the same neighbourhood. You can talk to them, and you feel yourself aglow. You feel the positive vibes and the calm set in (note I’m not referring to negative pity vibes; how oft we confuse the two).
Who are these people? Varies.It’s the best friend who has always been there; the classmate you never opened up to before; the new dude in the colony; the fellow passenger in the bus. You know what they say – friends,strangers; strangers, friends.
True, the scare or irritation doesn’t disappear; scars never truly ever fade.
But you let go, or try to. You hold on to the good ones. You chose to unburden the heaviness associated with dark and sad thoughts, you chose lightness.
Like my friend Appu said..
You move ahead..
You find new cheat codes.